Introduction
Jack became a Christian at age seventeen. He met Jill when he was 24 and married for 11 years. They have been happily married in an American middle-class dream way. Yet beneath it all they have long-standing bouts of relational anger. Jack is a high achiever and hard worker. He drives his family to perform with high standards. When he doesn’t get the results he wants (things like Jill’s affection, his supervisor's approval, and his daughter's obedience), he explodes. He explodes with blazing hot anger. His anger is like a volcano.1
This is typically the scene we think of when we talk on the subject of anger. Jill has an anger problem too. Inside she resents Jack for the demands he places upon her. She murmurs to herself in frustration. Upset that she ever got herself in a relationship in the first place. Her anger is ice-cold. Her anger is like the Arctic. Jack and Jill are more angry than they would care to admit.2
Let me give you a hypothetical situation about Jack and Jill. The next Sunday they both come to church. On the outside, they both get dressed up. Yet inwardly, they are just as angry at one another. The pastor stands up at the end of the message to give an invitation to come forward. He says, "If you have anything you need to lay down here at the altar, come forward!" Both Jack and Jill come forward and confess their sin to God and with tears and sorrow they say inwardly, "God, I'm sorry for my sin, please forgive me." They go home still as angry at one another as the week before. This pattern continues for several months until Jack and Jill are on the verge of divorce. What are we to make of this situation? How should we think of it?
This is typically the scene we think of when we talk on the subject of anger. Jill has an anger problem too. Inside she resents Jack for the demands he places upon her. She murmurs to herself in frustration. Upset that she ever got herself in a relationship in the first place. Her anger is ice-cold. Her anger is like the Arctic. Jack and Jill are more angry than they would care to admit.2
Let me give you a hypothetical situation about Jack and Jill. The next Sunday they both come to church. On the outside, they both get dressed up. Yet inwardly, they are just as angry at one another. The pastor stands up at the end of the message to give an invitation to come forward. He says, "If you have anything you need to lay down here at the altar, come forward!" Both Jack and Jill come forward and confess their sin to God and with tears and sorrow they say inwardly, "God, I'm sorry for my sin, please forgive me." They go home still as angry at one another as the week before. This pattern continues for several months until Jack and Jill are on the verge of divorce. What are we to make of this situation? How should we think of it?
The Heart of Anger
In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus tells His followers what kind of people will be in the kingdom of God. He lays out what His followers will be like. Jesus shows how He has "not come to abolish them but to fulfill" (Matt 5:17). Using the Old Testament law he gives six examples (Matt 5:21-48) of how He has fulfilled the law to its intended purpose. The first example he gives is concerning murder.
“You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder; and whoever murders will be liable to judgment.’ But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire. (Matthew 5:21-22)
Jesus raises the standard far above that of the Old Testament law. He asserts that anger is equal to murder. To be angry with a brother is to murder a brother. No different than Cain in the OT (Genesis 4:1-16). The two words there for insult are, "[Raka] expresses contempt for a man’s head=you stupid! [Mōre] expresses contempt for his heart and character=you scoundrel.”3 These words spoken express the heart of the angry person toward a brother. For Jesus, anger within the community of God is a significant problem. So, what is anger?
In his book, Uprooting Anger, Robert Jones defines anger as a “whole-personed active response of negative moral judgment against perceived evil.”4 Anger is not something that passively happens to us which sounds like, “They made me angry!” or “I was angry because of ____________.” Anger always reveals what is within us. It always reveals our beliefs about God, ourselves, others, and the world. We get angry when what we most love is shaken. We get angry when what we value is taken from us. Jesus' answer to this includes a principle and a process to get rid of anger. We will first consider the principle and then move to consider the process.
“You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder; and whoever murders will be liable to judgment.’ But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire. (Matthew 5:21-22)
Jesus raises the standard far above that of the Old Testament law. He asserts that anger is equal to murder. To be angry with a brother is to murder a brother. No different than Cain in the OT (Genesis 4:1-16). The two words there for insult are, "[Raka] expresses contempt for a man’s head=you stupid! [Mōre] expresses contempt for his heart and character=you scoundrel.”3 These words spoken express the heart of the angry person toward a brother. For Jesus, anger within the community of God is a significant problem. So, what is anger?
In his book, Uprooting Anger, Robert Jones defines anger as a “whole-personed active response of negative moral judgment against perceived evil.”4 Anger is not something that passively happens to us which sounds like, “They made me angry!” or “I was angry because of ____________.” Anger always reveals what is within us. It always reveals our beliefs about God, ourselves, others, and the world. We get angry when what we most love is shaken. We get angry when what we value is taken from us. Jesus' answer to this includes a principle and a process to get rid of anger. We will first consider the principle and then move to consider the process.
In Old Testament times, a person would need to go to Jerusalem to offer a sacrifice. This would happen once or twice a year. Offering sacrifices was not a quick endeavor. It could take several days to offer a sacrifice.5 Then you would need to stand in line and wait as you gave your sacrifice. And Jesus picks up on this. Picture a man standing in line—waiting, tapping his toe, and holding his sacrifice. Then in one of those little thought bubbles that appear in cartoons, you can picture him recalling the anger he has toward a close family member that previous week. He pictures the way he insulted him. He pictures the way he coldly ignored him for the remainder of the week. Jesus tells him to immediately deal with this anger. He is to immediately deal with it by reconciling with his brother.
Reconciliation ≥ Worship
The principle Jesus exposes here is our reconciliation with a brother ≥ worship. Reconciliation becomes greater than or equal to worship. Our worship is to be expressed through our reconciliation with our brother. Reconciliation is not an optional add-on to the Christian life. Reconciliation is our worship expressed. When we refuse to go to a brother, we are refusing to worship rightly. Go back to Jack and Jill. Even if Jack and Jill are weeping profusely at the altar–crying out, confessing their sins publicly, and even confessing it to other people there. It is a stench to God (2 Corinthians 7:9-11). God cares more about their lack of fellowship with one another than He does offering whatever financial gift, or promise of obedience they might utter. Peter applies this same principle to husbands in 1 Peter.
"Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered." (1 Peter 3:7, ESV)
A husband's prayers can be hindered because they are at odds with their wife. Now picture with me for a minute Jack from earlier. The guy who continually blows up on his wife. Picture him saying something like, “I don’t understand why God feels distant. I come forward to the altar, but nothing I do seems to help.” He has continued to blow up on his wife and never sought reconciliation. His problem is not with the altar call. It's with his anger toward his wife.
His followers will not only answer to God for our murder, but for lingering offenses. Our reconciliation is more important to God than our worship. Our anger toward others will ultimately be answerable to God Himself. Since this is the case, Jesus encourages us to come quickly to terms with those who have offenses against us. When we’ve remembered that we’ve offended someone, we’re obligated to restore fellowship. We don't wait for them to make the first move. We make the first move toward them. There are no “loose ends” of relationships in the kingdom of God. Only reconciliation and restoration. This leads to the process that Jesus gives for dealing with our anger.
The Inverse "Altar Call"
The plea from most altar calls sounds something like, "Come forward and deal with God." But particularly with anger, Jesus tells us the exact opposite. He doesn't say, "Come to the altar!" He says, "Go to your brother, and reconcile!" There are three steps in this process...
"leave your gift there before the altar…" (Matthew 5:24, ESV)
Step 1 - Leave Your Gift at the Altar
What is a gift?
I would argue that any act of worship could be considered a gift (Romans 12:1). It could be anything as simple as giving gifts of money, helping the poor, or corporate singing. What should Jack or Jill do when they are convicted the next Sunday at service? They should get up and leave the worship service. Or turn to one another and seek forgiveness before anything else happens. He would rather you leave your gift at the altar and be restored than receive worship from you.
"First go and be reconciled to them…" (Matthew 5:24, NIV)
Step 2 - Go! Be Reconciled.
In a culture that says, “Just cut them off”, “Get rid of that person out of your life”, or “You don’t need that kind of negativity.” Cancel culture is ONE step removed from full-blown homicide. Viewing relationships as toxic with the need to "cut them off" is an anti-Christian agenda. Which needs the reconciling nature of the gospel to heal it.
The command to “Go!” emphasizes the command to be reconciled quickly. One of the best ploys of the evil one is to convince the Christian to linger. We rationalize in our minds, "I'll deal with it next week." or "I'll wait for them to come to me." But none of this will work. To continue to linger and stew in anger will only harm your soul. Don’t linger in iniquity. Jesus tells them, "Go! Go now! Go and Be Reconciled!"
"…and then come and offer your gift." (Matthew 5:24, ESV)
Step 3 - Then Offer Your Gift.
The conclusion of the reconciliation is restored worship to God. The answer then is not to stop offering your gifts of worship! The answer is to first be reconciled and then worship! What does this mean for people like Jack and Jill? It means that they need the forgiving and empowering grace of God to live. It means for all of us that we need the forgiving and empowering grace of God! Worship becomes a false appearance if we’ve offended others. If we have offended others, our worship is vain. Christian, God would rather have you have your brother or sister than He would have your gift. In the economy of the kingdom, money is not that important. God is not poor. He doesn’t need your gift. A high priority within the economy of God is reconciliation with your brother. Your brother is of more importance than your gift.
We need to consider leaving our gift at the altar in the same way that Jesus left our sins at the cross. This word that is used for “leave” literally means to leave behind. In other contexts, this is how God describes our sins in Jesus Christ (this is just a sampling, Matt 9:6, Matt 18:27, Mark 2:7; Luke 5:21, Luke 5:24, Luke 7:49, John 20:23). God in Christ Jesus has left behind our sins at the cross. He no longer picks them up and holds them against us any longer because of the sacrifice of Jesus Christ. God is calling us to leave behind the gift we are making in the same way that God has left behind our sins. Set down your gift, seek forgiveness, and then offer your gift. When we continue to give gifts like everything is fine, we continue to hold on to our sins and refuse reconciliation.
John tells the believers in 1 John 3, "For this is the message that you have heard from the beginning, that we should love one another. We should not be like Cain, who was of the evil one and murdered his brother. And why did he murder him? Because his own deeds were evil and his brother’s righteous...We know that we have passed out of death into life, because we love the brothers. Whoever does not love abides in death. Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him. By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers." (1 John 3:11-12, 14-15)
The beginning and end of this process is worship. But the anger stands in between the worship. The most God-honoring thing we can do in some worship services is just leave and be reconciled to a brother. What keeps any generation from a fresh renewal of the Holy Spirit is not "having a meeting", as much as reconciling with a brother. May we continue to reconcile with our brothers and sisters in the power of the Holy Spirit.
"leave your gift there before the altar…" (Matthew 5:24, ESV)
Step 1 - Leave Your Gift at the Altar
What is a gift?
I would argue that any act of worship could be considered a gift (Romans 12:1). It could be anything as simple as giving gifts of money, helping the poor, or corporate singing. What should Jack or Jill do when they are convicted the next Sunday at service? They should get up and leave the worship service. Or turn to one another and seek forgiveness before anything else happens. He would rather you leave your gift at the altar and be restored than receive worship from you.
"First go and be reconciled to them…" (Matthew 5:24, NIV)
Step 2 - Go! Be Reconciled.
In a culture that says, “Just cut them off”, “Get rid of that person out of your life”, or “You don’t need that kind of negativity.” Cancel culture is ONE step removed from full-blown homicide. Viewing relationships as toxic with the need to "cut them off" is an anti-Christian agenda. Which needs the reconciling nature of the gospel to heal it.
The command to “Go!” emphasizes the command to be reconciled quickly. One of the best ploys of the evil one is to convince the Christian to linger. We rationalize in our minds, "I'll deal with it next week." or "I'll wait for them to come to me." But none of this will work. To continue to linger and stew in anger will only harm your soul. Don’t linger in iniquity. Jesus tells them, "Go! Go now! Go and Be Reconciled!"
"…and then come and offer your gift." (Matthew 5:24, ESV)
Step 3 - Then Offer Your Gift.
The conclusion of the reconciliation is restored worship to God. The answer then is not to stop offering your gifts of worship! The answer is to first be reconciled and then worship! What does this mean for people like Jack and Jill? It means that they need the forgiving and empowering grace of God to live. It means for all of us that we need the forgiving and empowering grace of God! Worship becomes a false appearance if we’ve offended others. If we have offended others, our worship is vain. Christian, God would rather have you have your brother or sister than He would have your gift. In the economy of the kingdom, money is not that important. God is not poor. He doesn’t need your gift. A high priority within the economy of God is reconciliation with your brother. Your brother is of more importance than your gift.
We need to consider leaving our gift at the altar in the same way that Jesus left our sins at the cross. This word that is used for “leave” literally means to leave behind. In other contexts, this is how God describes our sins in Jesus Christ (this is just a sampling, Matt 9:6, Matt 18:27, Mark 2:7; Luke 5:21, Luke 5:24, Luke 7:49, John 20:23). God in Christ Jesus has left behind our sins at the cross. He no longer picks them up and holds them against us any longer because of the sacrifice of Jesus Christ. God is calling us to leave behind the gift we are making in the same way that God has left behind our sins. Set down your gift, seek forgiveness, and then offer your gift. When we continue to give gifts like everything is fine, we continue to hold on to our sins and refuse reconciliation.
John tells the believers in 1 John 3, "For this is the message that you have heard from the beginning, that we should love one another. We should not be like Cain, who was of the evil one and murdered his brother. And why did he murder him? Because his own deeds were evil and his brother’s righteous...We know that we have passed out of death into life, because we love the brothers. Whoever does not love abides in death. Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him. By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers." (1 John 3:11-12, 14-15)
The beginning and end of this process is worship. But the anger stands in between the worship. The most God-honoring thing we can do in some worship services is just leave and be reconciled to a brother. What keeps any generation from a fresh renewal of the Holy Spirit is not "having a meeting", as much as reconciling with a brother. May we continue to reconcile with our brothers and sisters in the power of the Holy Spirit.
1 Modified example from, Jones, Robert D. Uprooting Anger: Biblical Help for a Common Problem. (Phillipsburg, N.J: P&R Publications, 2005), 13.
2 Modified example from Jones, Uprooting Anger, 13.
3 Robertson, A.T. Word Pictures in the New Testament. Nashville, TN: Broadman Press, 1933.
4 Jones, Uprooting Anger, 15.
5 Carson, D. A. Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount and His Confrontation with the World: An Exposition of Matthew 5–10. (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Academic, 1999)
2 Modified example from Jones, Uprooting Anger, 13.
3 Robertson, A.T. Word Pictures in the New Testament. Nashville, TN: Broadman Press, 1933.
4 Jones, Uprooting Anger, 15.
5 Carson, D. A. Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount and His Confrontation with the World: An Exposition of Matthew 5–10. (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Academic, 1999)
Here are several resources on the topic of anger that I have found immensely helpful.
- Uprooting Anger by Robert Jones – This is the most thorough biblical and practically helpful book on anger I have read.
- Good and Angry by David Powlison – This books wrestles with righteous anger and its implications.
Daniel Sisler
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